Sheik Zayid’s Story

I am sitting in a Bedouin tent, at Panorama Rum campsite in the middle of Wadi Rum, talking to Sheik Zayid Al-Jwean. 

We have just travelled through Wadi Rum and settled in to our home for the night after a great dinner. 

My fellow travellers are sprawled on the mats outside, where most of us will spend the night.  They are playing games by the light of the campfire and a few gas lamps that illuminate the camp site and sheds a bit more light to the brilliant moon light that lights up the entire desert. 

The Sheik has invited me in to in his tent for tea and a chat about Bedouin culture.  He begins his story…

Sheik Zayid was born in the desert, in Wadi Rum to a family of 6 children.  He is the oldest in the family and his grandfather was the sheik before him.  The title and responsibilities of Sheik are passed down the family to an eligible male, who is a blood relative.  While the current Sheik will groom a few eligible men to inherit this role, the ultimate decision will be made by the family after these men are tested in various ways. 

Sheik Zahid is the leader of the Beduin Tribe Al- Jwean and is responsible for about 600 people.  While they don’t actually own any land they are custodians of the land they live in and the Sheik represents his people in negotiations with the government when decisions are made to develop the area such as for tourism.  While the Sheik himself has benefited from opening up the area for tourism, he hopes tourism will not have a bad influence on the culture of his people and influence them adversely. 

As a Bedouin leader, he is expected to know the laws of the Bedouin people but also to interact with people of many other cultures.  His early schooling began in Wadi Rum but he completed his high school in Aqaba.  He speaks English and Arabic fluently and also understands a bit of French. 

Intrepid groups have been coming here for 7 years now and it is a great way for people from the western world to get an insight into a culture that is quite foreign to them.  Sheik Zayid negotiated with the Middle East Manager for Intrepid when they indicated an interest to start up these trips and discussed how this might happen.  He enjoys the chance to interact with other cultures and the opportunity to share his culture and keep it alive.

He has been a sheik for 8 years and I ask what he did before that.  He tells me about the years he spent as body guard to King Hussein.  It was an exciting and interesting job but also quite stressful, having to always be on the lookout and being held responsible for the king’s safety.  He has also met King Abdullah who has visited on several occasions and stayed over at the special royal camp. 

We are joined in the tent by Kamal our local guide.  He is smoking a sheesha and the smoke from the pipe hovers in the still air.  Kamal adds to the conversation and tells me that life in the desert makes for a clean mind.  It enables a person to think quickly and to be self reliant.  The Sheik explains that a friend in the desert is different to a friend in the city.  In the desert, your life may often depend on your friend, which perhaps explains the close bonds and intensity of friendship between Bedouin men.  In fact, I have been struck by the kinship and companionship I have seen between Middle Eastern men and equally struck by the lack of that same companionship between people of the opposite sex.    

We talk about the differences in our cultures and they explain that for a Bedouin, the most important things in life includes, hospitality, courage and honesty.  The Bedouins are incredibly generous and would take care of visitors without exception and go as far as providing ‘Protection’ for a man who might be in trouble.  I am intrigued by this concept and they explain further..

For example, if someone has committed murder they may seek protection from a Bedouin tribe to avoid confrontation with the family they have angered.  The Bedouins will provide sanctuary to this man, on the assumption he is innocent till proven guilty and till the judicial system takes over and justice is meted out.  This avoids further confrontation between tribes and families and calls for peace till the systems takes over.

There is a lull in the conversation before I am asked an interesting question. 

If I were to marry a Bedouin, how many racing camels would I demand?  I am amused by this question, and stammer a little as I try to sidestep it and say that is highly unlikely to happen!  Which sets us off on a whole other topic…relationships and marriage! They tell me that in fact there are a number of western women who have married Bedouin men and chosen to give up their comfortable lives in the west and live here in Jordan.  We talk about the book, ‘Married to a Bedouin’, and Marguerite the New Zealand backpacker who started the trend.

In the past Bedouins married within their tribes and often married their own cousins.  Today, they do marry outside their tribe but tend to pick someone from their own social status.  While marriages were formerly arranged in the past, today there are many more opportunities for people to meet each other such as at school, university and work. 

Most marriages are preceded by negotiations between the two families who decide on the nature of the celebrations and of course the most important dowry.  In Bedouin society, the man gives a dowry to the woman and it could typically include a home, gold, jewellery, furniture, a few racing camels or horses, and dresses!  The man pays for the wedding party and in fact takes care of most things.  So, there are lots of positives for a woman here :)  

The wedding ceremony will take place in the desert and it could include about 400 invitees.  Everyone brings a gift, from goats and camels to coffee and money.  It all depends on their relationship to the couple. 

While divorce is not common, it is part of their culture for a Bedouin to have more than one wife.  However, each wife will have a separate home and live very separate lives but will always be treated equally. 

The Sheik himself is married with 6 children and currently has one wife.  He is 48 years old and dreams of peace, love and prosperity for all people.  I ask him if he might take another wife but he is noncommittal about the future and doesn’t give me a straight answer :).

We talk about the concept of sharing one’s husband with another woman.  Kamal my guide explains that in the west, men are often unfaithful and cheat on their wives and she lives with her suspicions and eventually once she discovers the truth, the marriage disintegrates because of her husbands infidelity.  However, here in the Bedouin community, a wife can live in peace because her society and religion prevents her husband from ever cheating on her.  She has grown up in a tradition that allows her husband to take another wife if he so desires and while that may be hard on her, it is all done in the open and with the sanction of another marriage that is accepted by the society she lives in.  She is not discarded but treated in the same way as the new wife.

While I say I could never condone polygamy, I understand this is something that is accepted and sanctioned by their beliefs.  I ask why women aren’t able to have multiple husbands and of course it turns out to be the importance of establishing paternity.  They explain that in such a small social circle, it is very important that one does not end up marrying a half sibling.

We leave the conversation there.  Our lives and worlds are miles apart and yet, sitting here under a moonlit night in a Bedouin tent, we have shared a few moments of companionship. I realise it is quite uncommon for the Sheik to spend time alone with a female and hence this chat is perhaps as unique for him as it is for me.  I’ve shared a little of my life in Australia, showed him pictures of my family and of Sri Lanka, the place I grew up in so it has definitely been an exchange of information about our respective cultures.  I thank him for his time and take my leave. 

 It is also rarer to find happiness in a man surrounded by the miracles of technology than among people living in the desert of the jungle and who by the standards set by our society would be considered destitute and out of touch.
Thor Heyerdahl